Dear pinkie toes,

My husband says you are unnecessary to my survival, despite my protestations to the contrary. I think I need you to balance, since I am a clumsy fart. He says I don’t. Nevertheless, I keep you. I know sometimes you aren’t sure whether I am committed to that choice since I often send you careening into hard and immovable objects which seem to bring you great pain. Nevertheless, you’re cute. You’re little nubs on the sides of my feet, and quite frankly, my feet are cute. They would not be cute without you. And that, my friends, is important. Remember that, and try not to hate me.

Love,
Me